We recommend ammunition for a variety of applications. Is your property beset on all sides by thieving squirrels? Grab 22 LR and you’re all set. Are you concerned about your personal safety while you’re out and about? Get some 9mm, 40 S&W, or 45 ACP. Planning to shatter some clays, or down some birds? 12 Gauge with #7.5 shot ought to do the trick.
But thanks to some cataclysmic astral event that happened 66 million years ago, we will never get to recommend ammo for hunting dinosaurs. Sure, we’ve got great 22 WMR rounds for gator hunters, but it’s just not the same as offering 950 JDJ ammo designed specifically for dropping 220 ton Argentinosauruses. Thanks a lot, cosmos.
Da na nah na na
Na na nah na na
Da na nahhhh … na na nahhhh
– Jurassic Park Theme Song, John Williams
One of the best glimpses at how mankind would deal with dinosaurs is the Jurassic Park film franchise. To be certain, most people would “deal” with real dinosaurs by promptly getting eaten by them, but a few would arm themselves to the teeth and face the reptilian threat head-on.
Maybe Elon Musk is funneling his Tesla profits into a secret dinosaur cloning facility. If that’s the case, here are some of the guns of Jurassic Park and its sequels that you might consider using during the inevitable outbreak.
The Guns of Jurassic Park
This is the 12 Gauge shotgun that Muldoon prepares to fire at a Velociraptor before uttering his famous last words: “Clever girl.” Dr. Grant also has a SPAS-12 in Jurassic Park, but he discards it after it jams. Pulling a spent hull out of the shotgun’s breech would have been a straightforward maneuver, but Grant clearly didn’t get his doctorate in firearm maintenance.
The rugged SPAS-12 is designed specifically for combat. Its intimidating appearance coupled with its design that permits both pump-action and semi-automatic operation were sufficient to end its import to America following the 1994 Federal Assault Weapons Ban. Several SPAS-12 shotguns were grandfathered in after the ban, but they remain illegal in states that have aggressive gun control laws. If California is ever overrun by Velociraptors, its politicians will have a lot to answer for.
Mares Spear Gun
We have to give credit to Jurassic Park’s property master. If we were asked to come up with an electric Velociraptor prod for a movie, we’d probably just buy a real cattle prod and then glue a bunch of evil-looking stuff to it. Jurassic Park’s prop master went out and bought a spear gun instead. He then made it much longer, because you wouldn’t want to get close enough to a Velociraptor to poke it with a conventional cattle prod, and only then glued a bunch of evil-looking stuff to it.
LAR Grizzly Big Boar
Hunter Roland Tembo is seen firing a Grizzly Big Bore in The Lost World. It is part of the guns of Jurassic Park although it has been done up to look like a tranquilizer rifle. The Grizzly’s unique appearance has made it a popular movie prop over the years. You can also see it in The Rock and the second and third sequels to Tremors.
In reality, the Grizzly is a fearsome single-shot sniper rifle chambered for 50 BMG. A cartridge originally developed by John Browning to shoot down airplanes. The Grizzly is a breechloader that you must reload by removing its entire bolt. At about 30 pounds it’s not exactly the kind of rifle you’d want to carry through the woods all day.
Searcy Double Barrel Rifle
Another piece from Roland Tembo’s impressive arsenal, the double-barrel rifle became popular among turn of the century ivory hunters because it permitted a second shot if the first only succeeded in enraging an elephant. Roland’s rifle was chambered for 600 Nitro Express, a cartridge with approximately 8,000 ft lbs muzzle energy. It was the most powerful round in the world until its designer introduced the 700 Nitro Express in 1988.
Steven Spielberg is said to own one of the two functional Searcy rifles made for The Lost World. That means if you’re planning to break into a movie director’s house, it may be advisable to pick Darren Aronofsky or Sofia Coppola instead. (We kid, of course — do not break into any movie director’s house.)
Anschutz 1913 Super Match
The poor dope who carries an Anschutz 1913 Super Match in The Lost World manages to snag its front sight on a net before he can take aim at a hungry T-Rex. Before he turns into lunch he claims that his rifle’s poison dart is essentially capable of killing an animal before said animal could even feel the dart’s impact. That’s impossible. However, Michael Crichton wrote it that way so at least The Lost World is faithful to its source material.
The Super Match wouldn’t be very formidable without unfeasibly poisonous darts, however. The competition rifle is chambered for 22 LR, an impractical cartridge for shooting a T-Rex unless your sole goal is to annoy it.
Jurassic Park III bills one mercenary’s rifle as an “Iron Horn 20mm.” In reality, it’s a bullpup variant of the classic M82 with a ported muzzle brake. The M82A2 differs from the original with its pistol grip and trigger in front of its magazine, and additional forward grip beneath its receiver.
The movie rifle fires explosive incendiary rounds. That sounds great in theory, but the actor firing the guns of Jurassic Park misses every time.
Heckler & Koch SL8-1
A pilot is armed with this rifle in Jurassic World III. It’s the semi-automatic civilian version of the G36, chambered for 5.56x45mm and outfitted with a red dot sight by Aimpoint. The SL8-1 is significant for having a lug-type rotating bolt system instead of HK’s earlier roller lock bolt design.
The SL8-1 in the movie has a single stack 10-round magazine. We would personally prefer a larger magazine for dino detail. However, the civilian SL8-1 was designed not to accept the G36’s 20- and 30-round magazines. Once again we see how red tape will put us in jeopardy during the inevitable dinosaur uprising.
Marlin Model 1895SBL
In Jurassic World our hero Owen Grady (who bears a resemblance to the guy from Parks and Recreation) favors a stainless steel lever-action 1895SBL chambered for 45-70 Government. It is a handsome rifle with a laminated hardwood pistol grip stock, big lever that facilitates operation with gloved hands, Leopold Optics FX-II Scout IER 2.5x28mm scope, and six shot tubular magazine.
Marlin subtly nods to the 1895SBL’s inclusion in Jurassic World on their website. Go there and you will see the game they recommend for their rifle: bear, deer, hog, moose, and T-Rex. It is the only one of their products that they recommend for hunting T-Rex. The beast weighed upward of 30 tons, however, so even with powerful 45-70 rounds you had better make all six shots count.
Smith & Wesson Model 500
Owen’s pal Barry draws this hand cannon before squaring off against a crabby Velociraptor. It would certainly do the trick. The 500 S&W Magnum cartridge is so powerful that many ranges ban it simply because its report is so thunderous!
It should be noted that the famous Velicoraptors of Jurassic Park were much larger than the actual extinct creature. A real Velicoraptor weighed as much as 43 pounds, making it about the same weight as a hefty coyote. The guns of Jurassic Park 500 S&W Magnum would be overkill for so dainty an animal.
One of the security personnel uses a Gen 2 UTAS UTS-15 to gently grab the attention of the monster T-Rex in Jurassic World. The 12 Gauge pump-action shotgun has two seven-round magazines. It can be set to feed in either an alternating or selecting pattern. It’s a handy design feature for LEOs who would like both buckshot and less-lethal beanbags simultaneously at their disposal.
The original UTAS UTS-15 was poorly received primarily due to how unreliably it feeds and extracts. The following generations were designed to fix that issue. In spite of its shortcomings, the beefy UTAS UTS-15 is widely recognized for its distinctive appearance. A bullpup shotgun with a picatinny rail is always bound to turn heads.
Smith & Wesson Model 29
Jimmy Fallon has a cameo in Jurassic World where he shows how tough the titular amusement park’s gyrospheres are by shooting one with a Model 29. The comedian says that the glass can stop a 50 caliber bullet despite choosing a 44 Magnum for his demonstration. It is for this reason alone that we are boycotting The Tonight Show Starring giggling Jimmy Fallon. #44magnumgate